Michell é brant Celebrant

exclusively uniting only the coolest couples in the world

Investigation launched after celebrants revolt!

on June 8, 2017

I’ve made it to the big time! A letter arrived from the Attorney-General’s Marriage Law Section and it starts with…

“Dear Ms. Anderson, We have received correspondence from concerned individuals about your “Evermore Pledge”.”

Fist pump in the air!  YES.  Brilliant.  Name in flashing lights. Bulls eye.  BOOM.

Most people would get anxious about a letter like this because, as a celebrant, we adhere to a code of conduct and if we are seen to be breaking the code, then we go to jail.

But not me, I’ve been expecting it.

When the murmurs turn from gossip to hard core complaint letters to federal government bodies and there are enough of them to warrant an investigation, it’s a sure sign that blood is boiling and shit’s getting interesting.

Allow me to fill you in…

I’ve had my head in my laptop for the past 3 months working on the Evermore Pledge (an independent legal agreement that “replicates marriage” without the rules of a church or government, and is available to couples of any race, religion or sexual preference. Yes, even the ‘gays’!)

I did poke my head out once or twice.  Once was to turn 40, ouch, and again to hear about a gaggle of squabbling peers who had been let loose at Old McWhats-his-name’s ding bat farm for online losers.

I said to myself, gay marriage is bound to spark debate, but debate it is not!  No dear reader, “debate” would suggest two sides to an argument; a coming together of professionals to exchange views, to educate each other in an informed, polite discourse.

The gaggle of squabbling peers did not debate, nor did they research, ask, listen, ponder or discuss.

They assumed, judged, ridiculed, belittled, abused & bullied.  And they bully good!

“But celebrants talk about love and they’re really nice and stuff!”

Yes, in the majority, celebrants are amazing human beings.  Besides being a totally ridiculously awesome one myself, some of my close friends are also celebrants.  We are an outspoken bunch with attitude as big as MC Hammer’s pants. Organising a party is easier than pouring our forth wine in the dark.  And you can tell the really good ones a mile off, they’re walking around with a sore cheek.  Damn tongue.

 

I understand your confusion, reader, but for some this is a case of ‘smile for the camera’ then reach for the vampire fangs to use in a new round of blood sport.

Don’t let those pastel pant suits and oversized transition shades fool you, people. That’s not Paris Hilton’s hip Granny, it’s you local celebrant bully come to tear you down before you’ve the ability to stand.

See that feather pen she’s got there?  I used to think that there must be a ninja group of public speakers who did their elite training by hunting for giant birds.  Then they plucked the beasts and dyed their feathers to use as signing pens at weddings.

Now I know better.  They kill the bird alright.  By hand.  Then they use it’s flesh to bait giant Jabberwocky and those are the pen feathers worth having. The biggest bitches have the biggest feathers.

“….by a marriage celebrants’ association, OPD trainer and individual celebrants ….”

Oooo, it’s hotting up now! It’s more than just a few contributors with a bee in their 1980’s racing bonnet!

Can you imagine all the effort these petals have gone to?  Where did they find they energy for so much anger and resentment?

It must be all consuming.  I can see it now… clenched jaws, white knuckles, the tuck shop wings swaying in the breeze as they rise from a comfortably seated position by the heater to revolt.

“Disgusting,”  says one.

“It’s an outrage,” says another.

“I’m appalled and personally offended,” they all chirp in.

“It’s just not right! It doesn’t address what happens after death!”

Um, say what?

“Death! You haven’t addressed death!” Angry tone.

Sigh.  The Evermore Pledge is based on two Wills and a binding financial agreement.

“Oh, right, well, it still sucks.  Where is my Jabberwocky pen, I’m writing to the AG!”

I do have a phone you know.  It rings a lot actually.  People calling to say hi, ask questions, give feedback.  I also use the power of the internet to communicate thoughts, feelings and plans.  Apart from this reactive blog, I don’t use the internet to cause friction, rather to share the love (and lock in solid plans for drinks at the pub with the cool celebrants)

Because I thought sharing the love was our job….

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: